How We Think About Ourselves Is How We Project Who We Are

I read an article in the New York Times about boomer women and having long hair. It was about how women were brought up to believe that when they hit a certain age they should cut their hair. How having long gray hair was simply not acceptable. As a boomer with long hair it made me start to think about all sorts of issues boomers face when online dating and when online dating goes off line.

Boomers don’t face the same issues as younger online daters. We are not looking at profiles wondering if – would she be a good candidate for creating a family – would he be a good father, for example.

Boomers are looking more for compatibility, common interests, a sense of humor, etc.

So let’s look at what Boomers may face

So my first example is a woman with long gray hair. Should she worry about it? Should she cut her hair thinking she may appear more attractive to men? I say no, unless it is something you want to do for you.

Should you think of having some work done to get rid of some of those wrinkles? Only if you feel that will make YOU feel better.

Other issues that may face  boomers when they meet someone through online dating…

What do you disclose when online dating?

Should you tell your online dating partner that you have arthritis, diabetes, dentures, wear a hearing aid, etc. My personal opinion is you don’t need to disclose everything while dating online. Many ‘conditions’ can be discussed when you start dating offline.

You can disclose at your own pace.

However, if you, for example, have an artificial limb, I would say that needs to be disclosed before meeting. Why? Well you don’t want to surprise someone on first meeting. If they know ahead of time it becomes a non-issue.

When you meet your online dating partner for the first time you two will decide fairly quickly whether or not there is potential for the relationship to go past the first date (chemistry). If you both feel good together and you want to discuss some of these ‘conditions’ on the first date then do so. It doesn’t hurt to wait either because the ‘conditions’ we have are part of ‘who we are’ but not the whole of ‘who we are’.

If you are in a long distance online dating relationship I believe you should disclose a ‘condition’ that may impact on your first meeting. Your first meeting would be many days together and if your ‘condition’ may impact what you do during that time then it is only fair to tell. For example, I have colitis and when it acts up I pretty well have to stay home, or carefully plan my route. So if I met someone in London and they had planned to these excursions it would be very upsetting, and disappointing if I said I couldn’t do it.

Get my drift?

Boomer dating is definitely more of a mine field than when we were in our 20’s, but that is part of aging and other boomers will be dealing with the same or similar issues. If your condition becomes a deal breaker for your online dating partner then it wouldn’t have worked anyways. I know from first hand experience.