Bad events are part of what make up what has been termed as our ‘baggage’.
Let’s face it, at our age we have been through a lot of ups and downs in our relationships. Some things we remember fondly while other memories make us want to bolt from anything that resembles a relationship. The ‘other’ memories, the ones we don’t look back on fondly, can leave scars on us that can last a life time.
New Relationship, Old Baggage
Good advice often offered is you must take some time to recover from a failed relationship. It is good advice, but no matter how much work you put into healing yourself, you’re going to have some baggage that you bring along with you into a new relationship. It’s just not possible to put all the old hurts aside, declare yourself healed and not have your past affect you. Well at least that is my experience, and I have heard it from others as well.
Deal with your baggage up front
So be aware of this when you are entering or entertaining the idea of starting a new relationship. Be honest about who you are and what you have been through to yourself first. Later, when you move from casual to serious with a potential new partner, share your baggage with them, if you feel it may ‘rear it’s head’ in a new relationship.
A New Partner?
Allow a new partner to make an assessment of whether they will be able to provide you with a supportive environment, or back out gracefully realizing they are not equipped to be the right partner for you. Or for you to back out gracefully if you get signals that raise alarms. Remember there are people who will take advantage of vulnerable partners.
Your new partner may have as much, or more, baggage as you! We’re all human here, imperfect by nature and there can be any number of reasons why we are alone at this point of our lives. So discussing baggage on both sides of the equation is an important phase of getting yourself into a good relationship.
Making it work
Only time together will tell whether you can have a good relationship. It takes experience to learn to avoid triggers that can turn what seems to be an innocent comment, or situation, into a nightmare from the past intruding into the present. It takes patience, the desire to be happy together and willingness to work hard at being your best person possible each and every day to make a relationship successful. Plus learning to help your partner with their baggage is an important part of it.
It’s not all bad
When you connect with the right person through online dating you can find someone who cares enough about you to work with you to finally get rid of that baggage, or put it away because it is no longer necessary. That certainly happened with my online dating relationship. We have baggage, sure, but it has never come to the surface because of the great, and kind, relationship we have. You can have that too.
